It's so bizzare everytime he leaves--It's like dating in reverse--The anticipation, exctiement, infatuation--It all just comes back
The nights where all you could do was stay up all night long and think about your loved one--Sleep escapes you --no matter how hard you try flashbacks, memories and dreams of the future keep passing through your head.
Your heart is beating and racing --ready to explode out of your chest. You try to breath and you just can't seem to get enough breath. My stomach gets seriously upset.I think it's all the adrenaline or something. I feel like I have a million butterflies in my stomach and at any moment they are going to escape through my mouth. (this also happens every time he comes home--I love nausea, it's the best!!)
We have been living this life since 2003--we are not new to this life-- But each time feels like the first time --What's weird is how the distance between us never feels that far--I feel more supported and loved now than I have ever felt before. We talk almost daily on the computer, I can call him at any moment if I need to hear his voice--and then there is the good old fashion hand written note. I think I have more communication than most women have with their husband who sits in the next room watching TV.
I cry about a week before he leave--mostly for my own selfish reasons--then I take a shower and wash all the saddness away and it's time to move on. Life doesn't afford throwing pity parties or crying in my beer. Just have to pick up my big girl panties and keep moving forward.
I just hope that someday when this is all through our kids look back and relish the awesome childhood we are providing them with. We only do this for them. Our childhoods were so perfect because of our country life--we want to instill the values and richness we had in our young lives. --I have told Wade a hundred times we could sell and just end this crazy life--I could get a job, the kids could go back to school and we could live in a house with two bedrooms--That would be easy.
But this is our choice--We choose to be something more--than just settling for life in the suburbs with sirens and barking dogs. As any parent feels--I just hope our choice is what our children find happiness in --I can hear Wade saying as if he were over my shoulder "I don't f-ing care if they like it or not--they are goign to learn the values of a hard days work --that working with a good heart and lots of sweat makes the man --not some piece paper from a college. They will love their life or I will work their tails of til they do--lol--that's not a direct quote--just my imagination--If he really said it --it would have more cuss words--lol.
I am just rambling on --trying to get motivated to step away from the computer--It's so easy when the children sleep to just let hours slip away.
So here I go --again on my own--Going down the only road I have ever known--Just kidding--I know pathetic--haha
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2 comments:
Maybe I should have Chip apply to Wades job too! I bet I'd miss him a lot more and cherish him more too.
It's easy to get into the "love-rut" when you see him all day every day.
And if you really get down and think about it, we probably have sex the same amount you do! hahaha.
I bet your kids will thank you for all the sacrifices that you have made for them.
Just prepare them that there aren't too many "country girls' around to be their wives that do everything ie: home school,raise animals & children, cook, are organic, and have the sense of humor that you do.
I agree with Breezi, your kids are learning some great skills and they will look back and be thankful for the "farm life." I also know how you feel about the sickness in your stomach when your hubby is about to leave for a while, and the unbearable excitment you get when he comes home. I know that when scott was away from us I recieved some of the sweetest love notes from him, because well there was no other way for him to show his love! (Yes I know you are shocked, Scott writing a love note)...
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